on occasions when everything seems so hectic, i tend to look back to the past, where i was once carefree, void of worries. i think of different people who have played an important role in one part of my life or another. people from my kindergarden days, people from my primary school days, people from my secondary school days, people from my junior college days, and people i know now. i wonder if at any point in time, in this journey called Life, had i chosen another path, would i still come back to this point where i am now? i may have an answer deep in my heart, yet at the same time i may not. all that i am clear of now is that i am overwhelmed with feelings that i never knew could be so intense. i just wanted to jot down my feelings at this moment and also to recall people whom have once been so important in my life yet now.. not unimportant, but maybe time just washed away all the emotions we once felt in the past. 

kindergarden
my "first" love. i doubt i even knew what love was then. all i know was that i was attracted to this young boy of my age. his name? i don't know. his looks? i can't remember. yet it will always remain as a fond memory.

primary school
my best friend. a person whom i trusted, a person whom i will never forget, a person whom i thought was going to be my best friend forever, a person whom, for a short period, i loved. i had never doubted the affinity between us. but at a certain stage in life, i questioned myself if we were still that same boy and girl. we have matured and each of us has taken a different route in life. i wanted him to be walking the same path as mine, but it just did not happen. as i moved on to another level in life, i wanted to remove him from my life because i know he will not be walking in the same path as i am, ever, though i truly hoped that he would be. however, his shadows always remained in my heart as a part of my being. now, i can only reminisce and conflicting feelings fill my heart, especially when i think of this particular person who had been one of the most important figures in my life.

secondary school
my boyfriend. he was the one who allowed me to experience so many different emotions and experiences which i never could have imagined. yet he was someone who, though i can seemingly laugh about it now, had hurt me so bad. people would call him a jerk, but i would say, he is someone planted in my life to make me grow. sometimes, he comes back to me in my dreams and i would think about the days when we were just pure little secondary school kids, wanting to experience something the adults called Love. what we had in the past, were just but fleeting memories. how foolish we were, yet he was undoubtedly a person who has changed me in one way or another. 

junior college
my sister. she was someone inspirational and so important to me and she is someone i know, who will be walking this journey together with me till eternity. 

university
a good friend. i never knew how much she meant to me till i had a dream. she had always been part of my life since my junior college days and she was one of the few whom i could really get along with. she has cared for me and loved me like a friend would, or even more than what a friend would usually do. for that, i am thankful. 

there are many others in my mind yet i do not wish to pen down all of them. sometimes, there should be a limit as to how much we think back. what is most important is that which is lying ahead. and for that time till the day i meet the Creator, i am grateful. 




p/s i think all these thoughts must have been due to the fact that i have been thinking about titanic these few days, and plus the fact that i finished the book "dear John". sigh, my heart feels so heavy and my brain feels tired when i think about all the projects ahead.